Rich Green

Cats. I think I want to be one...

2011-07-06T17:04:00.000-07:00

I have now had the pleasure of owning two cats for about two months and I've decided that I would like to join forces with them and be one.

PROS

- Sleeping most the day
- Larking around
- Being fed regularly for free
- Toilet cleaned by affectionate butler
- Having enough time in the day for watching the washing machine spin round

CONS

- Curiosity killed the cat
- Scaredy Cat
- Not enough room to swing a Cat (Thankfully)
- Let the cat out of the bag (Why was it in there in the first place?)
- Like a Cat on a hot tin roof (Ow!)
- Do i need 9 lives?
- Cat got your tongue (Sexy? Maybe this is a pro)

Why are there so many cat sayings? What have cats done that make them important enough for a saying?

I might make up some more gritty versions like:

'Fat scary cat howling like a human baby'

or

'Let the cat wee burn the nostrils'

or

'Like a cat but not quite like a cat'

or

"As industrious as a cat lying in the sun'

I don't think cats deserve a saying, they are far too lazy to earn a saying. As soon as cats come up with some hard evidence that they deserve these sayings I will be boycotting them.

Anyway I think I got sidelined by sayings. You know how it is, sometimes a saying can be betraying! (I love that one.)

Rich x

Meeeowww

Blogging Up The Aisle

2011-05-01T17:30:00.000-07:00

The events of Friday the 29th of April 2011 will go down in history. Of course I'm talking about the Macaroni Cheese I made Dan & Charlie (Of Flat 29 Fame) who came to visit me in my "New Abode" for the Bank Holiday. Oh yes, and that minor matter of a Royal Wedding!

We celebrated the event by watching the BBC coverage with the sound down speculating on the content of the vows, the hymns, and the actions of the various wizards and warlocks who attended. We broadcasted it live on the Interwebs so that 'the world' could watch us, watching the big event. It was during this wedding that it dawned on me; I am having a bloody wedding quite soonish!

My wedding date is set for the July 28th 2012 which at times feels like ages away but realistically is drawing ever closer. There are a lot of things to think about and organise, so many decisions to make. Like, is it suitable to walk down the aisle to 'Don't Stop Believing' by Journey? Should I use the original version or the Glee version? Should I compose my own arrangement of the song as part of a larger musical production that is the wedding? Should the Celebrant have a guitar solo? All these things need consideration.

Luckily my Fiancee Hannah is very good at organising things and will quite happily take hold of the reins. I have decided that I will be in charge of music for the day as this is the only area I feel qualified enough handle.

I have heard that as it is a Civil Ceremony (which I hope it will be!) any music during the service cannot have any religious words or connotations. Hymns are definitely a no no. But I wonder where the line is drawn here. Imagine I am an average man who likes indie music (it's not hard) and want to play some Kaiser Chiefs at the ceremony and the roadie pushes play and out comes 'Oh my God I can't believe it, I've never been this far away from home'. An odd choice I know but would that be allowed? It's not a religious hymn per se but could be regarded as an Indie hymn. The subject of the song is exclaiming his alarm at not being in his home to his religious figurehead. Much like I'm sure Jesus once did when he found himself preaching in a dodgy area perhaps outside of a remote outlet of Subway with poor street lighting and shady hooded figures. I've not read all of the bible but I'm sure that's probably in there somewhere? So as you can see it's not a simple task. There is a lot more to my job than meets the eye, or that's how I'm trying to make it look so my contribution seems more worthwhile!

We will be having some kind of disco in the evening which should be easy to do. And then there will be the first dance. This is a tricky number to pick. You either go with heart-wrenching ballad whilst hugging each other rocking back and forth with the occasional kiss and round of applause/cry or you rehearse some kind of amazing dance to an unlikely soundtrack like a modern take on the Tango to Justine Biebers.

So far in dancing I have excelled in chair dancing, no legs required, jumping up and down and pointing at the sky or running dances. These aren't real dance styles just my approximations. Now I just need to find an appropriate soundtrack to feature my talents. Any suggestions would be welcome.

Maybe it would be easier overall if I just accompanied the wedding on my piano, much like a superstar DJ I could judge the mood of the crowd. When everyone is falling asleep after the food at the reception BANG! I'll play Chopsticks. This would re-energise the guests and make them more happy. Although as I will need to participate in 99% of the wedding activities this may be impractical.

Whatever I end up arranging I am sure it will be a day to remember and will be televised on a global scale with trees at the venue, tacky souvenir mugs and flags and limited edition commemorative biscuit collections.

Blogging In The Garden!

2011-04-24T15:40:00.000-07:00

Today I decided to have my own blog. Mainly because I'm on my own and have nothing better to do!

Above you can see me doing some recording. This is just a typical day in my life. A lot of what I do revolves around music.
Writing music, singing music, playing music, whistling, recording music, thinking about music, forgetting about music, remembering music again, doing some music.
You get the picture!

I am just listening to the latest version of the Flat 29 podcast on 'Time' whilst researching the best way to lay garden stepping stones. Tomorrow I'm planning to do some bloody manly manual labour. Well gardening, but quite hardcore gardening. This is the sort of thing I do now as well as staying inside composing comedy songs and frying my brain on the Internets.

Since moving in to a newly built house last December our garden has resembled a barren wasteland. BUT, last week I paid two elderly gentlemen to build a patio, lay some turf and assemble a 'Man-Shed'. I did feel quite bad watching two older men labouring in the intensive heat whilst I ate ice-cream and watched 'Kick Ass' on Sky Movies(Which I throughly enjoyed by the way). Ultimately it left me feeling slightly emasculated. My immediate reaction was to stay in my comfort zone and browse the Internet in a very stuffy room (working on my 'Studio-Tan'). However one week later I found myself browsing every DIY/Gardening outlet you can think of. Me and my Fiancee Han were on the hunt for what can only be described as garden stuff. I ended up buying some sand, gravel and log roll which made me feel more manly, although lifting these items was an issue!

Back in the garden Han has made some great flower beds and I distributed some gravel. I also got to put stuff in my shed which is strangely appealing. Te garden is starting to look really good and I do feel a bit like I'm getting back in touch with nature ("I'm sorry I stopped calling"). Well all the nature that you can find in my back garden which isn't a lot!

I am enjoying these new situations I find myself in as "man" of the house. I also enjoy being either average or incompetent at these tasks. After I've finished laying some stepping stones to the shed tomorrow I'm planning a BBQ where I can light some fires, play some beats and cook some meats.

I hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine in their gardens at the moment.

Love Rich x